Goings ons...or something like that

I figured I'd better post before John does...he has a rep to protect in the slow to post/update realm... :-)

Lot's of things going on here. None of them too pleasant.

Last week I found out that one of the girls on my Baby Center mommies board died after giving birth to her second child. Katie was an awesome person...so very, very fun and outgoing. She had a true zest for life. Her husband, Jon, is a fighter pilot in the USAF and they are stationed in Italy. Katie's parents and younger sister flew to Italy earlier this week. A memorial service was held on base on Wednesday. The family will be arriving back in Colorado Springs on Monday and visitation will be on Tuesday with the funeral and burial on Wednesday. I so wish I could go. It seems kind of odd to be this close to someone I have never actually met in real life...I suppose that is a testament to what a truly amazing person Katie really was! Here is a link to the blog Katie kept to keep family and friends up to date. Jon is making a valiant effort to continue updating, too. http://www.babyhomepages.net/friedmanfamily/index.php

On a slightly more positive note, there are about 7 girls from our group who are going to be able to attend! The flight arranging, reservation making and car and car seat details have been fast and furious, but they have it under control. Everyone is very excited about being able to see each other face-to-face...and we know Katie would be very, very pleased that she's the one who got it all going. Now we are making plans to do a get-together next spring (potentially in Chicago!) hopefully, without a funeral.

This weekend has been a busy one so far and is showing no signs of slowing. Grandma Donner moved into an apartment in an assisted living/retirement community. We spent this morning at the Donner homestead packing up things and loading the truck. It was mentioned that Grandma and Grandpa moved into that house 55 years ago yesterday. How's that for timing!?!? Moving out one day after 55 years!?!?! I am so hopeful that this move will be a great positive for her. She has several very nice neighbors (George introduced himself to everyone and tried to share his cookie with one older gentleman...he also found his way down the hall and to the dining room and beauty parlor and played out in the courtyard in his bright orange coat! We have one worn out baby!) She will have a cleaning service on Fridays and they come and empty her trash on Saturday. She has a small kitchen so she can make a couple of meals in her apartment, but she also has one meal a day in the dining room. It is a Catholic facility so Mass will be held on-site and she should be able to get there without too much difficulty. I guess Eric said she hadn't been making the effort to go recently, and that is troubling for me. Social interaction, less housekeeping and smaller space, new friends and an ability to get back into attending church...all pluses in my book!

Tomorrow we will again be spending the day with the Donner family as we are celebrating big George's 1 year "lungiversary"! So far, so good! He was able to help with the move and I know he feels good about that. Can't wait to see the rest of the clan tomorrow. We had a couple of no shows for the move today!

There isn't much else to add. The news at work still isn't official. I still don't want what is coming to me...and figure I have to do this until June at the minimum so that I can get reimbursed for school. After that, I don't know what my next steps will be.

This past week has passed in a blur for me. I feel drained on a lot of levels and know I need sleep...it's getting the good sleep that is the issue!

I AM A HOMEMAKER. (A lousy one at times but...still...)

Hmmph…!

See, I’ve been struggling a lot with this. Perhaps waaaay too much thought, but I am my mother’s daughter and so the over analyzing kicks in!

I go through fits and starts with wanting to stay at home. It’s not likely to happen, though, and then I go into a funk. I hate my house and the mess. I hate the way the days are getting shorter, darker and colder. I struggle with the two parts of my world that are fighting in this great big wrestling arena in my brain. The working person is rebelling against work and wants to be a housewife…and then the housewife knows that she would suck as a housewife if she had to stay home every day….but she likes to think that she would be able to get it all together and make it work.

So, I started writing about my dilemma. And I found something interesting (to me anyway…WAKE UP!). I was using the words housewife and homemaker interchangeably.

Housewives are not all homemakers and homemakers are not all housewives. I submit to you that ANYONE can be a homemaker. There is no gender or role involved. There’s no need to you to be a wife or mother, to have a house or to work only at home. You don’t have to be an adult or young married. You don’t even have to be female. Housewives, on the other hand, are married women who stay at home. They may or may not have children and they may or may not be homemakers.

So, what exactly is a homemaker? (This is where the major analysis kicked in!) Well, it is someone who makes a house a home. HEY! I kind of do that. I don’t do the best job of it all the time….but we won’t go there right now! I have been so caught up in not being the housewife that I forgot that I am a homemaker. I have lost sight of the priority. Yes, I still work outside the home. But it is my JOB to make the home welcoming and enjoyable. Is it my job alone? Not necessarily.

It’s a mindset, though. I am convinced.

I need to stop highlighting my shortcoming s in this area and suck it up. If I want to make my house a home. If I want to make living in my home comfortable for my family and for those who visit. If I want to be a homemaker, there is absolutely nothing stopping me but my mindset.

Yes, this is a revelation for me. That I don’t have to be a housewife to be a homemaker. That I can make a house a home and still be a working woman and student and mom and wear all the other hats that I wear! I AM A HOMEMAKER…HEAR ME ROAR!!!!!

Ahem….now I need to go find the vacuum cleaner and maybe part of the kitchen table before dinner.

I don't understand

I am bothered more than I should be by a woman with whom I work. She is older in age…older than my own mother. She consistently works a 50-60 hour week. She has 4 children and lives with one of them. There are grandchildren and great-grandchildren who also live and stay with her. Now, I say that she lives with them because they are the majority and basically run the house, however, the house is in her name; she is the one who pays the mortgage and taxes and car payment. She is the one who mows the lawn and spends the money for home improvements such as paint, carpet and plumbing repairs. The grandkids have mostly moved out but their mother watches the great-grandchildren of my coworker. The mother does not have a high school diploma or GED. Her husband is currently unemployed, laid off, though has spent some time on disability in the past and has been abusive to my coworker’s daughter at times when money is tight and stress levels rise. This woman (my coworker) will likely work until the day she dies, if she is able. Her other three children who are not living in the house with her also ask for money. She gives it.

It breaks my heart to see the disrespect with which she is treated. The expectation that she will provide for her family is constant and there has been no change over in the shift of responsibility from one generation to the next. No passing of the guard. Her children will always be her children and they will never care for themselves. They will always rely on her. What a terrible way to live your life. To know that you will never have a chance to truly rest. To have money hanging over your head always. To know that you will never be out from under the expectations of your family to act as provider. To be so proud of your kids and grandkids that you refuse to let them grow up into the adults they NEED to be.

I worry about what will happen if she needs to quit work due to failing health. I wonder what her family will do. How will they handle it? Will they do right by her? Will they be willing to pull together? Will they tear each other apart in trying to get every last cent, though there will likely be very little. Does she work so much to stay out of the house? Does she feel that more money will mean more harmony? Does she ever think about pushing the kids, her children and their spouses, out on their own to see if they can fly? Were her parents this way?

Questions. Very sad questions. And no answers.